Learning to ski at the age of 45 gave me an approach to my recent cancer diagnosis and treatment at age 61. (16 years later, hmm) On a magnificent slope in the Swiss Alps, with blue sky and the best snow in 50 years I was an eager and reluctant novice skier (yes, we can indeed be many things at once) Shaking with fear, with tears streaming down my face, my spouse and ski instructor Gottfried gave me advice that served me well then and is serving me well now: lean into it, he kept saying. You will have more control if you lean into it.
When you learn to ski at 45 the fear factor is high. I would watch three year old Swiss children barrelling down the mountain while I stood frozen to the spot. My natural reaction when I got scared was to pull back and what happened, as all skiers know, my speed would increase and I would lose control and crash. Learning to lean into the mountain and staying over my boots slowed me down and gave me a modicum of control. And so I learned by falling down and getting up again and by the end of the season I was even able to make perfect eights with my instructor.
When I received a different “winter shock” in January of this year my first reaction was to pull back. The fear factor was high and my entire life was spinning out of control. All of a sudden there was a steep learning curve rather than a steep slope and this time the vocabulary consisted of words and terms like “grade of tumour” not to be confused with “stage,” mastectomy, risk of recurrence, bone scans, MRI, ultra-sounds, Her2, ER and PR and yes, the dreaded chemo. All of a sudden, I went from rarely seeing a Doctor to having several and armed with copies of reports and tons of literature, it occurred to me that since I clearly was setting out on a new, unexpected, and even dangerous journey that my best bet (for me) was to “lean into it.”
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