Joyful Wrecks: Reflections on living...

A Touch of Sunshine

Sometimes we need sunflowers in the middle of winter as a reminder of things to come when the wind blows cold.

And I think tonight about some special people in my life who are as radiant, beautiful and full of generosity and light as these sunflowers and I  bow deeply and silently to them.

With love,

Trudy

Chinese New Year: Year of the Ox - this one is for Gabriole and Sheila

 

I borrowed this image from Canada Post.  Each lunar New Year they issue a stamp to commemorate the event. This year my sister Gabriole and my friend Sheila turn 60 and I would say that the description below fits them both with variations on the theme.

I love celebrating Chinese New Year and  in 2008 I had to cancel our tickets to the westcoast where we had planned to celebrate with Sheila, my sister Gabriole, Mother and friends. What happened is  it fell on Feb 7th. the eve of my surgery.  (An unexpected change of plans.) Nevertheless, I chose to see it as some kind of good omen (the date I mean) and it was.

My friend Joy (who knew nothing of my love of Chinese New Year) gave me the coziest, softest and most beautiful fire engine red housecoat that eve,  which provided coverage and comfort during some difficult moments. This Chinese New Year I get to facilitate a Meaningful Life Therapy (plus) class at Wellspring, with my colleague and friend John. I am delighted. It could have been otherwise.

I borrowed the following description from the Royal Canadian Mint and offer it especially to all of you turning 60 in this New Year. According to Chinese heresay 2009 is supposed to be a great year. I guess it will be like every year - great in some ways and less than great in others. Nevertheless it is wonderful to wish you all a happy New Year and may you have enough of all that you need plus a little more.

 "Strong like an ox," is a loaded sentence four small words that speak volumes about the personality behing the Chinese lunar zodiac.

It’s not just physical strength, but a special fortitude of the mind that keeps the Ox going no matter how heavy the load nor how difficult the road. What other zodiacs may gain through wit and cunning, the Ox will achieve through sheer tenacity and dedication.

Don’t be fooled by the Ox’s quiet and introverted ways. Still waters run deep; the Ox harbours a dignified blend of intelligence and confidence. He’s not easily bullied and will stand up and speak with captivating eloquence to restore order. He’s the good Samaritan that will come to the rescue and disappear before any can get his name.

The Ox is fair-minded and a good listener, but always remember the other adage, “stubborn as an ox”. Don’t count on changing his mind, but count on him. The Ox is one sign you can trust. He’ll never let you down.

You are an “OX” if you were born in any of the years 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985 or 1997.

A Word from Jack Kornfield

As many of you know I like Jack Kornfield and he often has something to say to me, and I like to then share it with you. Today I came across these words, which are a little hard to swallow since the transmission is now kaput in our car and no matter what,  I wish it wasn't so.  But like it or lump it, this is the way it is.

Jack says: "Want what you have and don't want what you don't have. Here you will find true fulfilment."

Sometimes it isn't fulfillment I'm looking for, just a reliable car. I ask you, is this too much to want??  I hear the heavens chuckling.

Love, Trudy

PS Suzanne if you are reading this you know exactly what car this is.

Something to Consider:

 

"All respectability, all honor is meaningless if it drives you against your nature. What can you do if you are not a lotus flower, but just a marigold? (or a dandelion, for that matter) Enjoy being a marigold."       Chandan

From Gratefulness .org

Obama, the 44th American President

"With the best of leaders,
When the work is done,
The project completed,
The people all say
'We did it ourselves.'"   from The Tao, chapter 17

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." President Barack Obama.

PS I am grateful to be alive and to be a witness to this most amazing day of hope.

Monday Morning

If you can't
be a highway
be a trail.
If you can't
be the sun
be a star.
It isn't by size
that you win
or fail.
Be the best
of whomever
you are. 

by Rebecca Mc Cann

Mystery

 

“I am entirely on the side of the mystery. I mean, any attempts to explain away the mystery is ridiculous…I believe in the profound and unfathomable mystery of life…which has a…divine quality about it…” Aldous Huxley

And so do I.

Today is my first anniversary of diagnosis. This date is blazoned into my mind/body just like a birth date. Impossible to forget. As I look back a year ago, it is humbling that I could go through such a profound change in twelve months and now be back where I began and yet…and yet…everything looks different.

A year ago when I received my diagnosis of breast cancer it was a Friday at noon and I was in the last day of the Healing Journey training. Just before I got the message to call my Dr. on his cell phone, I had completed the task of visualizing my “inner healer” and it was at that time when I received the gift of my red boat and the words, “you are not alone” from this visualization/imagery exercise. Of course, I thought I was healthy so I had done this exercise using the difficulties of my life and what was it that helped me through those trials. Little did I know that a few minutes after doing this guided visualization that I would be face to face with a cancer diagnosis.

And this red boat filled with all of you kept me afloat these past twelve months. I truly have not been alone. You have no idea what your presence has meant to me or how you have helped to keep me on course. I have no skill to express my appreciation and my “from the bottom of my heart love” for what you have given me, how your kindness and companionship has comforted me and how your good cheer and cheerleading has helped me to thrive.

When I “woked up” again today, I was aware, like everyday now that there is no such thing as an ordinary day. At any moment it could be otherwise. There will come a day when each of us won’t wake up. We just don’t know when that will be. I have come to see that we have little if any control over how long we live. I know that there are all kinds of messages out there on how to prevent this and that, but ultimately from what I have seen there is no inoculation or formula or recipe that guarantees our 30,000 days. (about 82 years) 

There is, however, a lot we can do about the quality of our everyday life whether we are in perfect or less than perfect health. And that is where I have turned my attention now. Those joyful wrecks and peaceful warriors and unsung hero’s going about their daily business of living with the ups and downs of marriage, kids, jobs, neighbours, sickness, health, communities, financial and other insecurities…”the full catastrophe,” as Zorba puts it. Here and now, we have opportunities everyday to increase or decrease our suffering, joy, meaning, fun, purpose…you name it. It really is seeing “things as they are” and with grace and dignity and tears and laughter embracing the whole nine yards. Always working to change and improve those things that are important to us but doing it with light heartedness, laughter and serenity. There truly is no better time than now: now is all we’ve got. And who can claim otherwise? I know many people who didn’t get to see 2009 and it was not through lack of courage, will to live, or through being cavalier about their health. They wanted to live as much as the next person but there was no treatment available for them to prolong their lives.

I am worried when I hear the word “prevention” because it is a slippery slope to blame and false security. I prefer “risk reduction.” There are absolutely things we can do to reduce our risk of heart disease, depression, anxiety, cancer, diabetes, dying in an avalanche or a car…but there is no prevention. And all of those things that we can do “up our chances” of a longer and healthier life but with no guarantee.

I meet people who are angry when they get sick because they bought the “prevention” idea. They felt betrayed. And yet the opposite isn’t true either. In other words, if you live a wildly unhealthy life you rarely get off scot free. It seems to me, that in and of itself, the gift of life is worth nourishing and caring for. When we do the things that nurture body/mind/spirit we flourish, and we are more apt to help others in our circle to flourish too. It seems to me that when we do this, we automatically cultivate a sense of gratitude for this rarest of opportunities, this greatest of gifts, this gift of life.  We then get to bring awareness and appreciation and joy (no matter what else is going on) into our daily moments.

When I think of the love and meaning and memories I have experienced with others I wouldn’t trade any of it with the exception of where I have wronged and hurt others. I deeply regret my own lapses of judgement and as I have written before, I always will. But I don’t regret a moment of my life. I have been generously and gracefully supported from the first second, in the big picture, through easy times and difficulties. I no longer expect that life should be this or that or that it will get back to “normal” if normal means problem free. Who do we know who has ever lived this kind of life?

When I got cancer my one security blanket of good health was pulled out from under me and to my amazement I found an entire safety net of generous spirited, loving and highly trained fellow humans beneath that one, ready to catch me in my free fall. I was not alone. I am not alone. This past year has been filled with gifts, thanks to you.

And today I say “yes” to life. For however long that is. There are many things that I had hoped to do that I will never do now. And there are other things that I had never planned to do that I now will. I do see that there is a delicate balance between knowing I won’t be around forever and simply abandoning ship to do exactly as I please. And quite frankly these choices still aren’t always clear. But learning to listen to my body and my heart helps and giving space and time to hear the still small voice within that can help guide our choices, including our faithful obligations, also helps. Duty itself isn’t a bad word as long as we aren’t a slave to duty at the expense of our soul. Distinguishing between self-centredness and self-care; wants and needs; the faithful yes and the unfaithful yes, seems like a life’s work.

Surprisingly, the week I went back to work, after my welcome back party on the 6^th the next three days were spent in the Healing Journey facilitators workshop once again,  doing levels three, four and five, with the same group of people who were there a year ago. This workshop was supposed to have happened back in November but because of a personal emergency of one of the psychologists from Toronto, it was cancelled and recently rescheduled for Jan 7^th , 8^th , and 9^th. Now that is rather mysterious, don’t you think?

The tricky thing about feeling well is that it is easy to slip back into old patterns. What I learned in these last session’s of the Healing Journey was the importance to stay awake, to continue to make an “all out effort, using healthy mental and physical  practices, to help our body’s natural healing powers and minimize the chance of a recurrence.” (risk reduction not prevention) And to continue as Carl Jung, among others, has pointed out, to cultivate our spiritual practices, have an open mind and be willing to change: “if we are not engaged in seeking meaning after mid-life, we may be wasting our time.”

So, dear ones, although my body appeared to know that this was a significant week-end and I cried at the drop of a hat, I am filled with joy and gratitude today and everyday. Life is good. You are all treasures. I thank you for your friendship, caring and love in spite of my short-comings. (and along with my good points)☺

Know that you are loved by me and appreciated by me from the depths of my heart.    As always, Trudy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Introducing Lynne Twist

 

It struck me today that it was time to view our economic crisis a little differently and who better to give us another perspective than Lynne Twist, author of the Soul of Money. I have met Lynne a few times and had the opportunity to take her very special workshop, Fundraising From the Heart, and quite simply she is a gem. I'm not the only one who thinks so. Amongst her many awards, she has received:

• “Woman of Distinction” at the United Nations by the International Health Awareness Network for her work to end hunger
• 2005 Humanitarian of the Year Award from Youth at Risk

She has dedicated her life to make the world a better place and has raised millions of dollars to help do so. From her website I excerpted part of her year end message. To read more visit her website Soul of Money Institute  She calls this letter: We now have the opportunity to live the most meaningful lives any generation of humankind has ever lived.

"...How can you use this financial crisis/opportunity as an impetus to live the most meaningful life of any generation?

• Each of us can begin by saying “no” to the toxic lies of scarcity and choosing instead to live in the radical, surprising truth of sufficiency.
• Each of us can decide to treat this economic recession as the “recess from excess” that is long overdue.

Here are 3 things you can do right now:

1) Pay attention to and foster what you love, not what you fear.

• Fear is not the opposite of love; it’s the absence of it. So, when you move into fear, the most important antidote is to act in ways consistent with what you love.
• Be in gratitude for that which you love, take care of the people you love, and deepen the taproot of your commitment to community.
• Money is like water - it can be a conduit for commitment, a currency of love. Reallocate your financial resources to support what you love.
• Take money away from that which is destructive, and reallocate it to that which is productive and sustainable. You can do that with every spending decision you make.

2) Do the things that you always thought you “should” do but haven’t yet–carpooling, composting, having a potluck instead of a catered dinner, to name a few.

• Become active in local, national, and/or global movements– bring your talents to the table, to the event, to your neighbor.

3) Be a global citizen with your money, rather than a consumer.

• Ask yourself if you really need something before buying it. For every new purchase, consider what you can give away, recycle, or “re-gift”.
• Pay attention to where goods are made, who made them, and with what materials. Avoid products that came from child labor, that are damaging to the Earth, or are over-packaged.

In summary... we (can)create a new future of sufficiency for ourselves and all beings everywhere..."

“When you make a difference with what you have, it expands.” - Lynne Twist

Tonight I was  invited to a potluck dinner in February with friends. Having lived on Gabriola Island for years, these were of course common, as were car-pooling, re-cycling, and all kinds of wonderful community activities to take care of each other near and far. This is my first pot-luck invite in Calgary, but as for the other things Lynne suggests and wonderful Islanders do- well I have never seen the like of it. The people I know here are doing it too. A small island or a small city...there are such fine people everywhere. I am lucky to know them. They teach me.

Have a good Friday. As always, Trudy

A Note

When Robert Frost wrote the poem Two Tramps In Mud Time, he concluded with these lines:

My object in living is to unite
My avocation and my vocation
As my two eyes make one in sight.
Only where love and need are one,
And the work is play for mortal stakes,
Is the deed ever really done
For Heaven and the future's sakes.

Today was my second Tuesday at work. In truth, this was more like my first day back,  in the sense of actually DOING my work. (last week, if you remember, I was in a training workshop for three days out of four) And guess what? I still LOVE my work, not that this is any surprise.

I am happy to go to work and happy to come home at the end of the day. And yes, it is a learning curve, and yes, I am at ease. I suspect this is because of the idea Robert Frost writes about: uniting my avocation and my vocation...and of course it is due to the people I work with.

I think the four days a week are perfect. Monday provides me with the flexibility to do other things that nourish, refresh, allow me to catch my breath and get my herceptin every third Monday.  Each day is an opportunity to "harden" in the way a bulb hardens in order to thrive when planted, and yet I am not trying to force anything. The faithful yes is in my tool-kit and doing the most important thing first is essential so that my day doesn't end in frustration.  I am simply delighted to "get to" go to work.

I will be a little sporadic with my blog, for a bit, until I develop my routine. Part of my new routine is going to bed early, really early, but I suspect this will change over time. Right now I "listen to my body" and if it is ready for bed at nine I don't argue.

I think of you and send all of my best wishes. And there will be some exciting news soon...stay tuned.

With love,Trudy

Love After Love by Derek Wolcott, Nobel Prize in Literature 1992

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another; who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

I first read this in one of Parker Palmer's books called A Hidden Wholeness, and thanks to Judy and Claire, fine facilitators of The Healing Journey for reminding me of this poem today.   There is much to contemplate here. Wishing you all a good week-end.  Trudy