Joyful Wrecks: Reflections on living...

A Little Something

 

"Believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Believe that you may be that light for someone else."     Kobi Yamada

A Tiny Musing On Calgary

Yesterday, (by the time you read this), I had lunch with a dear friend at a Lebanese Restaurant in downtown Calgary. We savoured the delicious food in a lovely unhurried atmosphere and I realized how precious this time was and how important it is for the body/mind/spirit to go out and experience new things, especially in good company.

As we walked out onto the sidewalk after lunch, the city seemed quiet even though it was early afternoon: a few pedestrians, not much noise, lovely weather and a sense of peace or stillness permeated everything. And it struck me how kind this city of a million plus has been to me/us since our arrival two years ago. And how quickly I have become attached to the generous people, the skyline, the sunshine, the Chinook arch, mountains and rivers. And how truly lucky that life directed our footsteps here and whispered to “stay awhile.”

One day I will need to write a love letter to Calgary but for now I rest in the inner comfort and knowing that I am exactly where I need to be.

My humble thanks to all the Calgarians: old and new friends, family, neighbours, especially my Wellspring/Cancervive family, my medical team and “the Cochrane Crowd” who have made this transition so seamless. And to life for continually providing everything we need. Lots of love, Trudy

Meditation: from Glimpse of the Day

Sometimes people think that when they meditate there should be no thoughts and emotions at all; and when thoughts and emotions do arise, they become annoyed and exasperated with themselves and think they have failed. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is a Tibetan saying: “It’s a tall order to ask for meat without bones, and tea without leaves.” As long as you have a mind, you will have thoughts and emotions.

From: Glimpse After Glimpse: Daily Reflections on Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche

I have become much more serious about my meditation practice and it was reassuring to read this old Tibetan saying in my in-box today. I don't get annoyed with myself when I meditate but there is the teeny tiny thought that eventually my mind will quiet down. I'm at least hoping that I will progress enough to stop turning my mantra into melodies. Imagine my surprise when I first noticed that my mantra was happily being sung by me (silently of course) in my mind. I did think I was making progress when I at least noticed and began once again to simply recite it. Nevertheless, I consider my main job is to just turn up in my chair, with awareness, and spend the time in silence.  Have a lovely Wednesday.  Gentle hugs, Trudy

PS Thanks Naomi for first introducing me to Glimpse of the Day.

Shoveling Snow With Buddha by Billy Collins

With the snowstorm back east and snow on the ground outside my window, winter has come. What better reason than to present this poem I love by Billy Collins. I think it was the first poem of his that I read and I knew immediately that we would be life long friends.

Today I have lots on my agenda and it is also week three again, so Herceptin number eight happens in the afternoon leaving only nine out of the seventeen left to go. I am so grateful for herceptin and for feeling so well. Life is good.  I hope you enjoy this poem. As always, Trudy

Shoveling Snow With Buddha  

In the usual iconography of the temple or the local Wok

you would never see him doing such a thing,

tossing the dry snow over a mountain

of his bare, round shoulder,

his hair tied in a knot,

a model of concentration.

 

Sitting is more his speed, if that is the word

for what he does, or does not do.

 

Even the season is wrong for him.

In all his manifestations, is it not warm or slightly humid?

Is this not implied by his serene expression,

that smile so wide it wraps itself around the waist of the universe?

 

But here we are, working our way down the driveway,

one shovelful at a time.

We toss the light powder into the clear air.

We feel the cold mist on our faces.

And with every heave we disappear

and become lost to each other

in these sudden clouds of our own making,

these fountain-bursts of snow.

 

This is so much better than a sermon in church,

I say out loud, but Buddha keeps on shoveling.

This is the true religion, the religion of snow,

and sunlight and winter geese barking in the sky,

I say, but he is too busy to hear me.

 

He has thrown himself into shoveling snow

as if it were the purpose of existence,

as if the sign of a perfect life were a clear driveway

you could back the car down easily

and drive off into the vanities of the world

with a broken heater fan and a song on the radio.

 

All morning long we work side by side,

me with my commentary

and he inside his generous pocket of silence,

until the hour is nearly noon

and the snow is piled high all around us;

then, I hear him speak.

 

After this, he asks,

can we go inside and play cards?

 

Certainly, I reply, and I will heat some milk

and bring cups of hot chocolate to the table

while you shuffle the deck.

and our boots stand dripping by the door.

 

Aaah, says the Buddha, lifting his eyes

and leaning for a moment on his shovel

before he drives the thin blade again

deep into the glittering white snow.

 

~ Billy Collins ~

 

 

This one is for Bruce and Heather:

 

On Nov 15th my cousin Heather’s husband celebrated the 30th anniversary of the kidney transplant he received from his brother that saved his life. I simply want to extend a deep bow to Bruce and Heather for their courage, perseverance in the face of adversity, the many obstacles they have faced and overcome during those 30 years, the love and strength they have given to their family and friends, and especially their good humour.

 

They are such a fine example of living well in the face of serious health challenges for absolutely everyone who knows them. And you aren’t in their company 60 seconds without laughing out loud because they see the funny side of life as they take themselves lightly while helping others do the same.

 

Steadfastness, stick-to-itiveness, generosity, laughter in the face of difficulty, love of family and friends, loyalty, faith, trustworthiness, joy and sorrow as they have navigated the “full catastrophe” as Zorbra puts it… such tried and true qualities that they demonstrate everyday.

 

How lucky am I to be related to this pair. What a great example they have been to me as I have worked my way through this year. Three cheers to Bruce and  Heather! You have contributed a beautiful legacy to your three children and five grandchildren as well as to all of those who have been lucky enough to know you. Many thanks and I wish you many, many more anniversary celebrations- at least another thirty.

Much love, Trudy

 

 

Something to think About: The Unfaithful Yes

Saying "yes" to more things than we can actually manage to be present for with integrity and ease of being is in effect saying "no" to all those things and people and places we have already said "yes" to, including, perhaps, our own well-being.  Jon Kabat Zinn

I think the idea of the "unfaithful yes" addresses a symptomatic problem that we all fall prey to from time to time. Most people I know don't like to say NO for fear of fracturing relationships. And yet, the "unfaithful yes," is maybe even more apt to do that.

Saying "yes" is a true and wise principle that has never implied an "unfaithful yes."

Have a great week-end.  T

Cancervive: This one is for Brian McGregor and his team

“And the most important thing to do is, to do good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life!" Tolstoy

Last night we attended an appreciation event at the University of Calgary for the SPONSORS of CANCERVIVE, hosted by Brian McGregor and his team. I suspect there wasn’t a dry eye in the house at one time or another as Brian talked with grace, grit and heart about what Cancervive  means to riders, warriors, volunteers and all those undergoing treatment for cancer. If you did happen to be a stoic, and stiff upper lip kind of person, it wouldn’t have lasted once we were shown the video of this year’s ride from Calgary to Philadelphia. It is the story of what it took to motivate 30 men and women to ride bicycles 4100 KM to raise money for Cancervive, which goes directly to support Wellspring Calgary, our amazing community based cancer resource centre.

The video was beautifully shot, produced and edited by Don Marcotte, a cycling enthusiast and Cancervive volunteer. It was called UNITY, because as Brian McGregor states, “it takes a united purpose, a cause to believe in” to bring all of this heartfelt effort together to help others.

The theme of unity was gently held by Brian as the stories of young and old, near and far, Canadian and American, sick and healthy were portrayed in a poignant, realistic and life affirming way with much laughter sprinkled throughout. And I loved the scenes of cyclists on the midnight shift, shots of sunflower’s,  dancing on the ferry crossing across Lake Michigan, a slow motion scene as the wheels of the bike go round and round, and an accelerated scene as two teams transition to keep the relay going. There were shots of a cyclist getting a helping push up a difficult hill from teammates, and another of two cyclists giving a hand to a woman so she could walk across the finish line during the Lance Armstrong challenge in Philadelphia. And so much more, including Brian being acknowledged and awarded for his work by the Lance Armstrong foundation.

I wish you could see the video. It is magic and even the music is perfect.

Besides supporting the work of Wellspring, which benefits anyone going through cancer, the ride itself benefits survivors. Several riders once had cancer, and the tremendous sense of personal triumph following the training, the cycling and the relay itself is a life giving and life affirming experience.

Brian McGregor is a fun-loving, talented, hard-working human being, and devoted family man who has managed to surround himself with a group of generous-spirited and tireless individuals who together epitomize the spirit of generosity. He is a major contributor not just in funds but in people resources and cheerleading to ensure that Wellspring can do the work it does, providing a peaceful haven, a multitude of programs (all of which are free) that range from cognitive improvement skills, to the creative arts, to a wealth of physical activities to help those with cancer and their caregivers to get and stay well and love and “live strong.”

Brian and Cancervive are helping to leave a legacy of hope for others with cancer, helping Wellspring to be a sustainable organization for a lifetime, and encouraging the true spirit of philanthropy even in children. They are leading the way in the true spirit of giving.

And now as 2009 approaches things are gearing up for this next summer’s ride to San Jose California in July. More news to come on this.

Go team go and never lose heart with your good work.

"The best way to learn a subject is to have to teach it to someone else. Similarly, the best way to heal is to help someone else to heal. Cancervive has helped me to heal and to 'pay it forward.' ” Brian McGregor, Cancervive

 

 

 

 

 

Something To Think About

"Do not grasp at the stars (alone), but do life's plain common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things of life. "  Lord Houghton

This quote seemed to tie in with the thoughts of yesterday, using our beautiful journals for the commonplace: scribbling, pasting, sketching, listing and so on.

Can you believe it is Wednesday already?  Swim day. As always, Trudy

Beautiful Blank Books

Today I was going through a cupboard of drawers,  sorting cards, pens, note paper, stamps, receipts etc. when I came upon some beautiful journals I received this year and haven't used. Later on this evening when I returned to this re-organization I also found a wonderful reminder of what to do with these books, from my friend Patricia, who wrote Improv Wisdom an all time favourite of mine.

This note had accompanied a beautiful journal she gave me on one of my  Birthday's and I had kept it tucked away in a safe place and happily rediscovered it tonight. This is what she wrote:

"Now, you must promise me to start using it right away. Don't wait for something 'special' to put in it. That way it will sit on a shelf forever. (I know, I have a half dozen blank books unfilled). Keep it as a 'nothing special' book...jot down recipes, to-do lists, poetry;  clip stuff and paste it in. Don't make it a precious book. Use it by the telephone to write down notes or addresses. Find some way it gets USED! Promise it won't be kept for some high purpose. Make it a lowly thing that gets used a lot. That would be so good."

Her note continues with an assumption: "Good! Use it. I'm delighted you've started. Now keep on using it. Don't stop to answer: 'Is this worthy of the book?' Nonsense, if it strikes your fancy, add it. My friend Dalla has kept an 'everything book' going at all times. She pastes and writes and scribbles...putting phone numbers, recipes, quotes, diary entries, poetry snippets...whatever is passing through her life at the moment. She keeps them by year or date. It is a great way to use such a book. Please do use it for everyday things. They are important."

Good grief! This is just the reminder I needed. Tomorrow I will paste on the front page of a beautiful book this advice and follow-up with the stack of little paper treasures sorted on the guest bed. I wouldn't be surprised if lots of you reading this note will also do just that.  Actually use your beautiful journals, that is.  Who on earth are we saving them for?

Thank-you Patricia for this timely advice once again. I can hardly wait to get started on using my wonderful books.

Have a lovely day. Warmest greetings to you all, Trudy.

Monday Morning: This one is for Mother

The present is the only moment that is truly ours, and we ought to make use of it.   Blais Pascal

Last Monday morning I went swimming for the first time in almost two years. It is true that I dove in twice, so to speak,  since moving to Calgary but I gave it up as I couldn't find a pool suitable for my three minute lap in the slow lane. My requirements were an Olympic size, deep water pool that was also cool in temperature. All I could find were 25 m, shallow (1.5 M) pools with warm water. Please understand that my requirements do not at all align with my swimming abilities, but that didn't stop me. And as you know, I started at the Talisman Centre last Monday and quite frankly I LOVE it.

The pool has exceeded my expectations, the staff are hospitable and qualified beyond measure and the price is right. So this new phase is underway and I can report that even with only two days of swimming last week (30 minutes each day) and one day of yoga (one hour) my body and my legs in particular thanked me. The achiness and stiffness has disappeared. I have come to see and appreciate the amazing resilience of the body. You give it a helping hand and it works soooooo hard to cooperate.

This week I will swim three times and attend yoga twice. All of this is included in my free one month trial membership. I find this amazing. Finding a way to regain energy and strength while thoroughly enjoying myself is a gift. Falling asleep by ten o-clock is effortless. And in many ways it is thanks to my Mother that I can do this.

It's funny, when I think about these coincidences. In 2001, a new aquatic centre opened in Nanaimo on Vancouver Island where my Mother had relocated the year before and I was a 20 minute ferry ride away on Gabriola Island. She was 81 years old that spring and had learned to swim at the tender age of 75. She took up swimming because she understood from her Dr. that it was good for arthritis. Having nearly drowned as a child she had been in no hurry to tackle it again, without a good reason. Now she had one.

I decided to do my Mother a favour and come in from Gabriola three times a week, early in the morning, so she would have a swimming buddy to go with her. I thought erroneously that at 81 she shouldn't go alone, even though she drove and cooked and did a million things perfectly well without my company. As the story unfolded, a friend from Gabriola, Sheila of the Thousand Cranes, joined us, and we were the three musketeer "swim team" until I moved to Calgary in Oct of 2006.

Those swim days were filled with laughter and joy and camaraderie. I have only good memories of those early morning sojourns by ferry and the short trek to the pool. And it is those memories that have spurred me on now to get back into the water. I recall how my Mother's aching joints disappeared once she began swimming and how they returned when she was away for a month with no pool to use.The five year habit of swimming reasserted itself in my life this fall, compelling me towards the water.

So in short, I thought I was doing my sweet Mother a favour in 2001 and the truth is that the entire five year experience has led me to this moment where I have the confidence, the inspiration and the experience to know that swimming is a balm to my body and I can do it. And if my Mother at 88 can resume swimming Mon, Wed. and Fri (she took a little break this spring/summer) certainly at 62, I can too. So, we both started last Monday and are thus still swimming together, just in different pools and different time zones and with the Rockies in between. The memories accompany me and I even catch myself smiling, recalling happy incidents from our "swim team" days.

Happy swimming and many thanks  dear Mother. Warm greetings to you all from a "dusting of snow" Calgary.