Joyful Wrecks: Reflections on living...

Say Yes

Meeting space at the retreat centre taken from the 37 Days Blog.

When my friend Patricia suggested back in the beginning of April that we go to a week-end retreat in North Carolina at the end of September it seemed extravagant, improbable, far away and thrilling. I had just started my chemotherapy the week before, and she had enough confidence for both of us that by the end of September I would be up for this trip. "And besides," she said, “it will give you something to look forward to.”

When I checked it out the retreat looked useful, I was certain the people would be interesting and it would give Patricia and me an opportunity to spend time together after a two year hiatus. She was persuasive and I loved the fact that it would round out my birthday month of 2008.

So I said YES! I had points that could be used for the ticket, I booked the flight, renewed my passport, set aside the information and settled into several months of treatment.

Time went on and before I knew it September had arrived and I was indeed able to keep this date. Patricia and I arrived in Asheville, NC on Wed evening and had a day and a half to explore and get acclimatized before the retreat began on Friday.

Patti Digh and her business partner David Robinson co-facilitated the retreat based on Patti’s book Life Is A Verb. The week-end was spent in an idyllic setting, with delicious vegetarian food prepared by the kitchen goddess Deva, while we worked with the stories of our lives around the six practices, for intentional living of which the first one is:

Intensity: Say Yes

I love the spirit of “say yes,” because of course when we accept invitations from reality, even when they aren’t in our comfort zone, we so often thrive. Saying yes to this implies a ‘no” to all of the other things that could have been done in that time slot. So “Saying YES” doesn’t mean being stupid or being a door mat. It can mean taking risks to be ourselves, putting ourselves out for the benefit of others, saying yes to love and friendship, learning something new, making time for our passions, our health, or our spiritual practices. Saying yes is sometimes “yes” to the sorrows and disappointments in our lives. Rather than fighting a reality that we can’t do anything about we can say “yes” to what is and work to change the aspects of our life that are within our control.

An interesting question we were asked to write on was “…what do I yearn to say yes to in my life.”

I say “yes” to writing my stories, reading more good poetry, to more celebrations, to generosity and joy and laughter, to going back to work, to dropping everything on a beautiful day and heading outdoors. Yes to friends and family, especially to grandchildren, yes to cooking and letter writing, and going to Japan and noticing the beauty in nature as well as the old man in the grocery store line-up. I say yes to being “good enough,” to quiet time and getting on with the things that are important from where I stand.

It got me started, this "yes business" and in everyday life on the home front I am making the change from less “yes but” to more “yes and.” I am going to try an experiment and see what happens for the month of October by making “ yes and” a priority.

“We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we may as well dance." Japanese proverb.

So glad to be back home. Farewell to an incredible September and welcome October.

On My Way to North Carolina

As you read this note today I will be winging my way to North Carolina, via United Airlines. I am joining my friend Patricia Ryan for a week-end retreat with Patti Digh and David Robinson, co-founders of the Circle Project. This is a 37 Days Retreat, not that it lasts 37 days. I will be back on Monday evening.

In the meantime I will have the opportunity to step back and re-examine my life through the lens of story and the six practices for intentional living from Patti's new book Life Is A Verb:

Intensity: Say Yes
Inclusion: Be Generous
Integrity: Speak Up
Intimacy: Love More
Intuition: Trust Yourself
Intention: Slow Down

It promises to be a wonderful opportunity for personal and professional growth with 20 delightful and enthusiastic (I suspect)participants from all across the continent. As far as I know, I am the lone Canadian. According to the description, the location of the retreat is in a beautiful and serene location with delicious food. Can't get much better. North Carolina seems like a different world and I welcome the chance to step into it for four days. What a perfect way to wind up September.

You won't be hearing from me again for a week. I'm not taking my computer with me. It seems that it will serve me and the retreat process best to give myself over to being fully there. I actually take my laptop with me, wherever I go, so I will most likely suffer from withdrawal symptoms but I'll get over it. And if the truth be told I will have my blackberry but it is way too awkward for me to type anything but the shortest reply.

So dear ones. Enjoy this next week and I will be back on line, sometime late Tuesday morning, which so happens to be the last day of September.

All of my best wishes are winging there way to you. As always, Trudy

Laughter, Lightheartedness and Serenity

Lately I have been reading books designed to give good information on how to get healthy during and especially post chemo. The latest book is called Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life by Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, M.D. Ph.D. and so far it is my favourite. Why? Because it is meticulously researched, practical, easy to read, and he is not anti conventional medicine or pharmaceuticals. Rather he provides tools that we can all use to support our bodies natural healing mechanisms, in whatever state we find ourselves. A true blend of traditional and alternative care.

It contains excellent info on the latest research in nutrition, exercise, the mind and more and makes recommendations on what we can do now in our daily lives. What makes the book valuable to me is how he puts things in context, explaining the relationship between our bodies and cancer, with clear information on how the immune system works; the impact of environmental poisons with emphasis on the common ones that we can actually reduce in our lives; the necessity of life long physical exercise, the need to understand the mind/body connections and yes, the importance of good food.

I know that we have heard it all before but there is a big difference between knowing and doing, which this author came to see. The author is not only an MD, Psychiatrist and Neuro-scientist, but he also had a lethal form of brain cancer twice. First time at 31 and a recurrence, a few years later. It was the second bout that prompted him to take seriously what else he could do beyond conventional treatment. Now, 15 years later, he has written a well researched book that is current, with straight forward suggestions of what we can do to "up our chances" of not getting cancer in the first place as well as living well and longer post cancer.

There is NO recipe out there to guarantee results but there are lots of things we can do and they are worth doing. He points out that the suggestions he offers (even the ones that do not currently have lots of evidence besides the ancedotal) not only help with the cancer journey, but are also helpful with heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, and alzheimer's. And best of all there are no adverse side effects so it seems to me that I/we can't go wrong by trying the ideas out.

One of the items on his action list that can influence inflammation (note: "inflammation plays a key role in the development of cancer and we can reduce inflammation using natural methods available to all") that struck me was "laughter, lightheartedness and serenity," as opposed to "unmanaged stress, anger and depression." Sounds good to me. I know when I experience more of these three I feel better. I am also more aware of these things since cancer and seem to notice what conditions promote that sense of well being and what conditions don't. He gives great examples and a variety of "little changes that make a big difference." For example, yoga, tai chi, gigong, meditation, walking and so on are known to be beneficial as mobilizers of the body's natural healing forces. And always the daily importance of what we eat, what physical activity we do and avoiding certain everyday industrial chemicals when possible. What is intriguing is that he explains the science behind all of his suggestions as well as the heart of the matter.

In his section where he writes about what activates immune cell production, I appreciated the The Sophie Factor that he so clearly illustrates. "Various studies prove that the white cells react to food intake, the environment, physical activity and emotional states." Facing one's difficulties, acceptance of self, support from family and friends, along with an antiinflammatory diet and daily physical exercise goes along way to promoting healthy immune cell activity. As I read those chapters I thought, "YES," of course my immune cells improved when my granddaughter and my daughter and son were here.

What is wonderful about this book is that it is a reminder that there is lots more that I can do even though I thought I was living "healthy" before cancer. And this is a good thing. It is empowering to know that we are not helpless or victims and that there is lots of evidence that making changes is smart. He also, (thank goodness) stresses that there is no formula to prevent serious illness or death. But what he is offering is best practices.

I think the only formula is to do our part, (inform ourselves, stay up to date, put into practice what we learn, pay attention and so on) hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I don't know who first said some variation on this theme but whoever it was certainly has it right from my experience.

The only thing I don't like about this book is learning that my sweet tooth needs a holiday from what else, sweets! And it takes skill and effort and time and help to examine my life in light of what my priorities are now: things such as exercise, nutrition, solitude, purpose, family, friendship, work, play and so on. Taking the time to reflect rather than squeezing it in at the end of the day... is a huge shift in priorites coming on and I am only now beginning to "get it."

Have a lovely day. As always, Trudy

A Poem for Monday Morning by William Stafford

The Way It Is

There's a thread that you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread. by William Stafford, from The Way It Is: New & Selected Poems

God Says Yes to Me

I discovered this little poem in Patti Digh's new book Life Is A Verb (Americans) Life Is A Verb (Canadians) and fell in love with it. Thought some of you may also enjoy it.

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
And she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
And she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
And she said honey
She calls me that sometimes
She said you can do just exactly
What you want to
Thanks God I said

And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
My letters
Sweetcakes God said
Who knows where she picked that up
What I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

By Kaylin Haught from The Palm of your Hand (1995)

Even Closer to Home:

If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the christening of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. Rachel Carson

As you know September is my favourite time of the year. And until I moved to Calgary I was homesick every fall for the coloured leaves of the sugar maples that I grew up with on the east coast. We simply didn’t have this colour on the westcoast, where I had lived for 33 years.

An unexpected gift with the move to Calgary was gorgeous autumn foliage. No, I haven’t seen any sugar maples but the colour comes from the aspen, birch, poplar, and cottonwood to name a few plus the beautiful rich clumps of red berries on the mountain ash.

I have been in heaven this week with all the yellow and orange leaves. Just ten minutes from our home is a particularly beautiful park, Bowmont Park in Silver Springs, where we last walked in the springtime. It overlooks the Bow River where the banks are populated with aspen groves and other deciduous trees in full colour.

Yesterday I was there twice. The first time with my friend Cindi, where we walked for an hour along the pathways marvelling at the unfolding beauty, at every turn. The second time Gottfried and I took a picnic supper, which we ate on a bench overlooking the Bow. First of all we were awestruck with all of those glorious trees, shimmering in the early evening light. And then we had the good fortune to spot a fisherman casting from one of the small islands in the river. We walked silently until the sun went down and then went back again this morning where we witnessed the early morning sun lighting up the trees. Walking and admiring all this beauty for two hours or so, simply for the pure pleasure of another look, was life-giving.

I am filled with delight and gratitude in the presence of this gift from nature. May you find the same wherever you are. With love, Trudy

Mountains, Rivers and Lakes

The birds have vanished into the sky,
and now the last cloud drains away.

We sit together, the mountain and me,
until only the mountain remains. Written by Li Po (701-762)

As we drove the Columbia Icefield Parkway between Banff and Jasper in the Rocky Mountains, this week, Li Po's poem came to mind. The majesty and magnitude of these mountains takes your breath away, mile after mile, and it is evident that they will remain, long after we are gone.

Oftentimes we miss the beauty and rejuvenation that is available close to home. A two day and one night mini holiday to Jasper was such an incredible respite and such a feast for the eyes and soul that it was honestly transformative.

The lovely thing about this trip is that the entire journey is the holiday. You don't just drive to get there. The entire five hours is breathtaking. Of course travelling with a photographer the five hours is more like ten but that is part of the enjoyment. Taking the time to appreciate the unfolding panorama of sky, mountains, emerald lakes, gigantic elk and other wildlife, is what makes it all so spectacular.

Oftentimes we think a holiday requires a significant amount of time, a long distance, and lots of money. Not necessarily so. We returned from this short get-a-way rejuvenated in mind, body and soul and were stymied as to why we don't do it more often.

Many thanks to dear friends who instigated this adventure. A deep bow.

Wishing that you find a beautiful road and destination within a day's drive of where you live. Pretend to be a visitor and see what's in your own backyard. You may be surprised too. As always, Trudy

Introducing Chubby Muffin

During this Birthday time I have been gifted with so much kindness and thoughtfulness. I am totally spoiled to put it bluntly.

One of my gifts came from Miss Bannerman, at the BUREAU. Now, she has come to know me well and quite frankly I was shocked when I discovered she was giving me a dog. Everyone who knows me is aware that I am not a “dog” person. In fact I am downright terrified of most well actually, if the truth be told, all dogs. There is at least one exception, who will remain annoynmous, so as not to offend any other dogs of my acquaintance.

When I met “Chubby Muffin,” however, I was smitten. Miss B was right once again about what I needed. Chubby has fit right into the household and is a very low maintenance guest. Here to stay, it seems. I suspect when Sophie comes to visit, she will be delighted with the latest member of the family.

Thanks again to Miss B at the Bureau, whose humour is one of her many endearing traits. When Miss B and I are together we mostly laugh. Now that is good medicine. Love, Trudy

WALKING: Gift of Words from the Navaho

Yesterday my friend Patsy Ludwick commented on my post and in reference to "walking slowing us down" gave us the gift of words from the Navajo:

Happily I recover.
Happily my interior becomes cool.
Happily I go forth.
My interior feeling cool, may I walk.
No longer sore, may I walk.
Impervious to pain, may I walk.
With lively feelings may I walk.
As it used to be long ago, may I walk.

May it be beautiful before me.
May it be beautiful behind me.
May it be beautiful below me.
May it be beautiful above me.
May it be beautiful all around me.

I had not heard this poem/prayer before and wanted to re-gift it to all of you, my dear readers. For myself, walking to and from Tom Baker yesterday, about 30 minutes each way, transformed my "treatment." I can't quite find the words for it but the Navaho writer understood. The walking calmed me on the way there and I walked with delight thinking how lucky I was to be able to walk. The walk home distanced me from my "treatment" immediately as I became immersed in the glorious September day and Gottfried's companionship. May you all walk, "through leaves, over bridges." With love, Trudy

Note: The Navaho blessing was found in Earth Prayers from around the world, edited by Elizabeth Roberts and Elias Amidon, published by Harper Collins, page 116 - it's part of a Navaho Chant.

Rig Veda 3000BC

Look to this day
For it is life
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power --
For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well-lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

These words from the Rig Veda, written so long ago, still ring true today. As I go off to my treatment this morning and you, dear reader, go about the business of your day may we all have some well-lived moments. (whatever that means to each of us) My goals are simpler and fewer these days but I notice the angst hasn't caught up or rather slowed down to my more modest routine. Always the question of what to keep and what to let go of, what to say "yes" to and what wonderful offers to decline, at this time. Slow time" seems like a necessary aspect of the well-lived day. But in a culture running on speed, it's difficult to swim against that tide. In the meantime, I will walk to the Tom Baker Cancer Clinic, notice the turning leaves, the crisp fall air, the blue skies. I have observed that the act of walking, where I need to go, provides me with more time to cultivate well-lived moments. As always, Trudy