Our Granddaughter Sophie has a book I love called Grumpy Bird. The author and illustrator is Jeremy Tankard and the book begins like this:
When Bird woke up, he was grumpy
He was too grumpy to eat.
He was too grumpy to play.
In fact he was too grumpy to fly.
"Looks like I’m walking today," said Bird.
Sometimes the “wreck” part of me feels like this. So today when Gottfried asked me how things are going, I said “looks like I’m walking today.” What I love about this metaphor, however, is that I’m still walking and so is bird. Part of being a joyful wreck is that there are times when you do feel wrecked. The last couple of days my right arm is painful because of my “wrecked’ veins from all the IV’s. In fact one of the chemo nurse’s on Monday, looked at my veins and said,”I see we are doing what we do best around here, ruining veins.” And we laughed.
The ability to co-exist with discomfort, of all kinds, and still perceive that today is a precious gift is not always easy. Especially since we are conditioned to retreat from what we don’t like or fear. Yet it makes all the difference to the quality of my life right now, in this minute.
The truth is, my arm hurts. I feel rather nauseated. I wish I felt different. Today I wish I didn't have cancer. And still I woke up. How good is that! I got up on two strong legs. I sat down with Gottfried and had my bowl of cereal with a sliced banana. The birch tree outside the dining room window is wearing a beautiful leafy green dress and the birds are singing. The air smells sweet and has a quality of spring exuberance that is almost palpable.
In this moment right now life is perfect. Just take it moment by moment. (advice to myself)
With love to all my dear hearts. This wouldn't be the same without you. Trudy